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Friday, June 29th, 2007
3:45 pm - yeah so
my mom has cancer
its pretty harsh huh ?
i can;t deal with it.
I don't want her to die.
damnit.

current mood: depressed
is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
Sunday, April 1st, 2007
8:58 pm - ught
some poeple are so selfish.
seriously how the fuck could you kill a little baby ?
your fucked up if you do that shit. ewwwww i hate you and you have no fucking morals
is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
Saturday, March 31st, 2007
10:12 am - yaayay
ok so i made the softball team at my highschool about 3 weeks ago. Its actually pretty amazing, even though the people i tried out with didn't make the team. But the girls on my team are pretty nice, and the varsity team girls are really helpful with everything.
Though some shit has been going down lately.
i guess i have to deal with one thing at a time. Right now i'm foucusing on softball and my grades, hopefully i'll be out of holmdel highschool next year and take things one thing at a time.
so everything is sort of ok i guess, nothing that i can't deal with. I just have to stay stong and thrive for what i want.

current mood: determined
is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
Saturday, January 13th, 2007
2:59 pm - hurt
I'm sick with mono yet again, yayay, i missed a whole week of school and i still don't feel any better, i just want to get better and go to the gym, maybe by monday or something.ohhh and i had this song stuck in my head for the longest time.

Seems like it was yesterday when I saw your face
You told me how proud you were, but I walked away
If only I knew what I know today
Ooh, ooh

I would hold you in my arms
I would take the pain away
Thank you for all you've done
Forgive all your mistakes
There's nothing I wouldn't do
To hear your voice again
Sometimes I wanna call you
But I know you won't be there

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

Some days I feel broke inside but I won't admit
Sometimes I just wanna hide 'cause it's you I miss
And it's so hard to say goodbye
When it comes to this, oooh



Would you tell me I was wrong?
Would you help me understand?
Are you looking down upon me?
Are you proud of who I am?

There's nothing I wouldn't do
To have just one more chance
To look into your eyes
And see you looking back

Ohh I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself, ohh

If I had just one more day
I would tell you how much that I've missed you
Since you've been away
Ooh, it's dangerous
It's so out of line
To try and turn back time

I'm sorry for blaming you
For everything I just couldn't do
And I've hurt myself by hurting you

current mood: crushed
is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
Sunday, December 31st, 2006
1:17 am - rrte
i really wish that I was back in 7th grade, where nothing really mattered to me.fucking i can't take shit anymore, even though i laugh and smile doesn't mean that i am truly happy. i was looking at a memory box that i had since i was like 6 or so, i've moved around alot, and i've lost alot of friendships from that.seiously i see it happening, i'm so far away from the people that i desire to be with. i can't concentrate in school anymore, i'm failing 4 classes. it kind of really sucks. i really wanted to go to college when i got older, i guess that isn't going to happen, i mean my gpa is like a 6 no lie i'm failing fucking everything, i cant get into the loop of things. i am soooooo fucking bithly lately,mabybe its because i am depressed.i don't want to at all come back to this school again, not even after new years but i guess i'm still going to have to though. that really sucks,especially when I don't feel like a belong here, everyone grew up with eachother, i want to be with people i grew up with, it just isn't fair.i pictured my high school years going to parties, getting drunk, having fun. not worring if the cops are going to arrest me, my fucking grades, and all the shit that i do worry about, it got bad this year. i stopped dancing just so i can keep my grades up a little just so that i can only have 2 failing grades.maybe i shouldn't care, i really don't want to , but i know i have to. i want to do something with my lifw. i know i kid around like if i don't make it in the big bad world i'll just become a stripper or something, but i want to have self respect for myself, i want to be proud of who i am. I don't want to be some bum off the street, i want to make something out of life. I''ve had mainly downs for the past 2 years when the fuck will i have my ups.?. i want someone to help me along, someone to tell me everything is going to be alright, but i guess nothing will be ok.i really wanted to have a big 16 party, but i have no one to invite,i don't talk to anyone so what the fuck just call of randomly asking to come to my party. thats fucked up a little. i don't thnink that i would show for something like that. i want to feel good about myself, i want to be confident. i mainly want my secure blanket back which would be my friends.

current mood: depressed
is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
Sunday, September 24th, 2006
8:55 pm - so
i started school about 3 weeks ago. it sucks. i hate it alot. even though i made friends this year, i can't help but to think what it would have been like if i stood in jackson with all my friends there. i saw officer d'arcey , hes alrigt this year, even though i hate to cops here. its hard to explain. so yeah i still feel bad about moving and how many friendships i gave up. i hate change more then anything... well not more then anything. i kind of hate myself more then anything, i'm not pretty anymore like i used to be. at least i don't feel pretty. idk i just seriously miss my friends and i need to hang out with someone ASAP. before i go crazy.
is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
Tuesday, February 7th, 2006
9:35 pm - BITCHES
I'm having one of the worst weeks.I can't get shit out of my mind.I'm sick of being pissed off and upset.I'm sick of crying.I'm sick of school so much i just want to drop out. I HATE EVERYONE. well not everyone. but still alot of people. I thought i was cool with my parents but I guess I'm not.I'm upset i can't go to Julia's for her B-day.I have dance on fridays and i CAN'T MISS IT. I hate assisting.alot. I hate not having any time to just think. I have MYSPACE. I HAVE LIVEJOURNAL BECAUSE NO ONE COMMENTS. I HATE HOLMDEL. I HATE EARTH. I HATE THE COLOR TAN.I HATE WHAT THEY DID IN MY JACKSON HOUSE. I HATE FAKE PEOPLE. I CAN'T STAND MY NEW MATH TEACHER. I CAN'T STAND HALF OF MY "NEW FRIENDS" I CAN'T STAND THE WAY EVERYONE LOOKS AT ME IN THE HALLWAYS. I CAN'T STAND HALF OF THE FUCKING GAY HOLMDEL GUYS. I HATE THE UPPER CLASSMEN.MORE THEN AYTHING. I CAN'T STAND MY HOMEWORK. I CAN'T STAND LIERS.I JUST WANTED TO GET EVEYTHING OUT THERE.
1| is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
Sunday, January 29th, 2006
5:41 pm - ugh
ok so tomorrow i have four hours of midterms. Its going to suck balls.So one of my midterms is with Bissonette and she hates me and all. After i spend 2 lovely hours with her i get to stay after for detentoion because of her. I'm pretty sure that she wrote up a conduct report to Capola. So now i get to have extended detention with him.YAY.SOME ONE PLEASE TELL ME HOW CALLING YOUR TEACHER TEACH IS SO BAD. I mean that makes no sence to me. I really fucking hate her now.Shes like going to come in the room and molest me and shit.EWWWWWW.I hope that she dies before tomorrow.Eiher that or she gets aids.


ON A BRIGHTER NOTE :



yesterday i had 2 hours of ballet coaching.It was swell.Missw.J is all like wow your gwtting to be fabulous. I now up on pionte.It kills my feet.they bleed.alot.so yeah.


after ballet i went to Alexandra's sweet 16.(one of the dancers who danced with me) It was amazing.I had fun.MISS JANET WAS THERE.she danced with me.the whole night.Sean was there and he also was dancing.MISS PATTIE WAS THERE WITH GREATHA.MISS CATHY.MISS LINDSEY. Yeah we know how to party it up.


OH YEAH. my fliping renters are moving out of my house.I might be moving in.= }
is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
Saturday, January 7th, 2006
1:18 pm - ugh
for the past couple of nights i couldn't sleep.I've been thinking about my friends and how much everyone has changed/ is changing. I mean since I've moved no-one really is acting like the know me anymore. I'll see them in the mall and they won't even say hi or anything. They just walk by as if they don't know me. I can't stand that now everyone cares about what they look like and whether there SCENE,PUNK,EMO,PREPPY,GHETTO, whatever. Back in the day no on gave a shit and you could've been friends with anyone, now everyones just following trends and won't hang out with the other kid whos in the other trend. I think now that were getting older we are getting more immature. Now everyones growing up without eachother and forgetting about how many good times they had with there other friends. I don't know anymore . I guess in highschool you get to learn who your real friends are.
WHO KNOWS I MIGHT BE MOVING BACK TO JACKSON.
since they kicked my renters our and all.WISH ME LUCK.?
1| is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
Monday, January 2nd, 2006
4:00 pm - ugh
so noel just left. we hada kick ass time together. friday night we went to the mall and sae tommy boy. its all good now because of the fact that he doesn't hate me anymore. so then we went outside and got harraste by a nigger cop. i was like fuck you nigga. so then we went inside and just chilledsaw devon and rachell and threw gum at niggers and other people from the top of the mall. saw marisa too. and then mommy and daddy got mad because we were late to the car.
Sat- mommy and daddy went out me and noel smoked some mary j
sunday- just chilled around the house. then matt called us
today- noel just left.
yeah it was pretty kick ass.
is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
Tuesday, December 27th, 2005
5:03 pm - x-mass
so sat i went to my dad's friends house and it was kind of cool. i couldn't drink there though. that sucked. but my parents were so fucking drunk. it was funny because my mom acts like an asshole when shes drunk.so then i went home and went to be. then sunday i went to mean grandmas house with out bro bro and mommy . it was so much fun. we watched 40 year old virgin. so then i got drunk off my ass. and everone just kept on giving me shit to drink. so like an ass i did. had a hangover. it was funny. i made 110 bucks from the family.kickass.then yesterday i just didn't do anything becaues i'm a lame ass.and daddy wouldn't drive me to noels. so today idk what i'm doing possiblely going back out with my mom. idk.PEACE HOMMIES.
is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
Monday, November 14th, 2005
10:21 pm
oh kay so today i went to school and it was gay. Wrote this kid a fake love letter and that was the heighlight of the day .then got home did some homo work and then went to dance. ADRIAN WASN'T THERE AND HE OWNS ME 20 BUCKS.whatever i guess.Danced with Anthony and Lindsay. it was all good. GOT A HIGH FIVE FROM ANTHONY. ( No one else did) What now sucka foo's danced for about 2 hours, then DAAAAAAADy picked me up and i went on the computer because I have a paper due tomorrow and then i talked to Kevin and Charles and my cousins. now i'm going to go to bed and yeah then school tomorrow. i don;t even know if i want to go or not. well i'll up-date later.
is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
Wednesday, November 2nd, 2005
3:06 pm - ♥skiping class what ?
so today i decide that i don't want to go to world civ so i pretend that i am in some bullshit club. so i go to the meeting but i can't stay because i don't have a permission slip. so the group leader sends me back to class. BUT I DIDN"T GO TO CLASS. I Stood in the bathroom with a couple of other girls. kind of cool i guess. school is so annoying these days i mean sure i be cool as hell but i still hate the fact that i have bitch ass teachers.so then iwent to bio and yeah thats a worthless class.so then i go to health and learned about some worthless shit. i mean they try to get us not to do drugs and drink and smoke and shit but then we all are going to because were youngins so then luch time came and went then i went to english wich was gayer then gay and yelled at my teacher and yelled at some child and told my teacher the book we are reading is gay. Spanish had a test,Gillen yelled,did some work. Public speaking changed my topic talked to the old gay, and yeah talked to some peoples in mah class. on the bus i had to pee so bad that i couldn't sit still so i ran from the bus to my house. iight i be out yohommiegstrings. peace
is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
Sunday, October 9th, 2005
6:43 pm - omgomgomg
THIS IS SOME SHIT. I got my progress report and there all like borederline and i'm all mad now...I don't really give a shit but then again i do.idk its weird. Today i was on the phone with vee and noel and yeah there making cup-cakes for the mall on friday.fun? i think so . so then noel was going to come over but my mom will not go get her so its all really gay.so now i'm typing in this thing .i have no life.i have zero friends.yeah well thats mainly it .
2| is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
Tuesday, October 4th, 2005
2:30 pm - getting switched into bo-tech ...WHATT ?
yeah its true i'm switching out of holmdel high and going to freeholfd vo-tech.schools fucking gay and thats why i am.blahness
is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
Saturday, September 17th, 2005
8:39 pm
oh my gawd . so today i didn't do anything at all.
Friday - i went to the dentist and such missed like 4 classes and then went to school.Hung out with my brothers friends matt and art then like durning lunch i went outside because if i cdidn't eat outside then i would have to sit with the chink table.Its kind of funny.Then i was like +69786hours late for english and i got yelled at.then in spanish i sat behind matt and cheated off of his test.and i think that i got a 100 on it .damn i be smart as hell.then i did soem anti war shit . and then i took a math test after school and while i was waiting for my mom i called noel.and yeah that was really it.so comment me ? ♥
is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
Wednesday, September 14th, 2005
6:41 pm - holmdel high school
ok so i started school a week ago.its going pretty ok. i mean i have friends this year. I get to see kev kev, dennis and yeah its pretty cool. I had a book report due today and it was hard to do becaause i really didn't read the book so i spark noted the whole thing.OMG it was so funny i drank some shit in lunch because i just did and it was like soda,pickles,and mayo and it was funny because i like threw up on some kid and then i felt bad so i was like yo you need help getting that shit off ? and hes all like no i'm ok .so then i was like whatever. over the weekend i saw my biology teacher with her lover i was like woah , all of my teachers are lesbos and such.My english teacher looks like my gandpa thats a bit weird no ? and i've been calling my world civ teacher a crack whore and she doesn't seem to mind. I got the same spanish teacher that my brother had last year so thats a bit interesting. she hates me already because i didn't do her homework .blah. whatever. hahahaa i have a chink for a math teacher and shes all like yo and i'm like your weird with and i and shit shes the weirdest teacher ever shes all like i don't like when you do that and i'm like oook ? so then she tells us to tell her when she gives to much homework and so far her homework is like one page long so its not that bad. My spanish teacher from last year is making me take a public speaking class and i have to sit with a bunch of seniors and this black kid is like hating me because i screamed nigger down the hall and i'm guessing he heard it so yeah i'm going to get my ass kicked.What else i have to give some speach on i'm guessing monday so that will be interesting because everyone in my class is all like i love bush and i'm all like hes and asswhole and there like fuck you you stupid freshie and i'm like yeah well atleast i don;t like a fucking red-neck.so that speach will be fun.hope i get out alive . I sing in lunch and people look at me.
I told off a lunch teacher and they didn't know what to say back so i pretty much hate my teachers.some of the kids are pretty cool and yeah its not that bad.
is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
Thursday, September 1st, 2005
2:41 pm - orintation.bullshit.
ok so today was HOLMDEL orintation.I get up at like 7 to get there for 9 and i'l like listening to music and shit so then i get in the car and then my mom takes me to the highschool and she walks me in and then my mom an i are lost because holmdel is so fucked up that they didn't even have signs telling you where it was at.so then my mom takes me around the school trying to look for this place so as were looking for the orintation place me and my mom find all of my class'. so then my mom goes to the main office and asks the lady were it is and the ladys all like oh the orintation doesn't start until 9:30 and i was like oh thats so nice that you didn't even call to tell us . and then my moms like you want to go to this and i was like no so then she took me out .so i was happy that i didn't go so then on the way i was all like oh my god i fucking hate holmdel and my moms like yeah there not curtious and i was like they can kiss my ass and my moms like true .so then she took me out and it was a good day.omfg some lady was stuck and we helped her.bullshit stuff.

I'm so happy that i am getting along with my mom these days .




is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
Saturday, August 27th, 2005
4:24 pm - omg omg omg
ok so on thursday i went to cape may with noel . It was so much fun. we went inside a church and i told some old lady that i killed my brother and that i went to church to ask "god" for his forgiveness. SO then we went and bought things. then we went to the beach and we went into the water wearing pants,a jacket,scard,sunglasses,and bathing suit tops.♥ hottness. so then we went home and jay called us and yeah we were talking to him until like 2. ? then we painted our toe nails and then we went to bed because we had JACKSOn ! . oriantation in the morning.
Friday - went to JACKSON MEMORIAL HIGHSCHOOL ORINTATION. and saw NOAH,TROY,TYLER,NINA,BOPP,CHRISTIAN,STEPH,MARC,ANTHONY,ANDRE,AARON,TYLER,RYAN,ANDREW,ALEX,KYLA,SHAWN,JAMIE,CHRIS.Yeah it was fun.THen me and noel were singing cult 45. and when everyone was done saying the pledge we were screaming I LOVE HEROIN. and then we were yelling at some lady on the mic. and we were all like dyke get off the mic and then i waved to some balck guy and then we were like supp nigga to him. and then i was screaming ahahah want to know something.I'm not comming to this school.so i don't give a shit.then we had to go with our leader
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ok so on thursday i went to cape may with noel . It was so much fun. we went inside a church and i told some old lady that i killed my brother and that i went to church to ask "god" for his forgiveness. SO then we went and bought things. then we went to the beach and we went into the water wearing pants,a jacket,scard,sunglasses,and bathing suit tops.&hearts; hottness. so then we went home and jay called us and yeah we were talking to him until like 2. ? then we painted our toe nails and then we went to bed because we had <big><big><big> JACKSOn ! .</big> oriantation in the morning.
Friday - went to <big><big><big>JACKSON MEMORIAL HIGHSCHOOL ORINTATION.</big> and saw NOAH,TROY,TYLER,NINA,BOPP,CHRISTIAN,STEPH,MARC,ANTHONY,ANDRE,AARON,TYLER,RYAN,ANDREW,ALEX,KYLA,SHAWN,JAMIE,CHRIS.Yeah it was fun.THen me and noel were singing cult 45. and when everyone was done saying the pledge we were screaming I LOVE HEROIN. and then we were yelling at some lady on the mic. and we were all like dyke get off the mic and then i waved to some balck guy and then we were like supp nigga to him. and then i was screaming ahahah want to know something.I'm not comming to this school.so i don't give a shit.then we had to go with our leader <which was jamie's friend>And we taled to some of my old friends.then we went into the class room and played a game.we had to write what we liked about ourself i put my legs nole put her feet and then we had to tell a life story about ourselves i told them that i lived in jackson for like almost my whole life then i moved to this gay ass town called holmdel.and yeah. then we went for a tour of JMHS. Me and noel ran into kyla and me and kyla playes 007 like we used to .it brought back memories that i miss alot.then i huged alex and went on my way.then we ran into tyler and troy so me and noel left our group to hang out with them. It was fun we went on a tour with them and talked to them the whole time because i love them alot. then the tour guide was all like this is were you put why you were absent and tell them what you had <somone> yelled goniria and me and noel started to laught and the tour lady was all like are these to in our group and the group was all like no so we ran away . and we went outside and calles noels mom to pick us up. then we went back into school and ran into chris. then we ran into steph then we went back outside and talked to tom and alex and yeah then her mom picked us up.then we went to wawa and saw chris. and then we went to some store and bought tampons and then we went home.then my parentasls picked me up and took me to my uncles beach house and i hung out with my aunt and uncle and their kids. played with annie and jamie on the beach while joey,amanda,jesse,ashley,and danielle went swimming. then we all went home nanny cooked dinner for me . then i played cards with the older kids and then i danced with jamie and annie outside and people were looking at me .then we went to the board walk. jamie didn't want to walk and just wanted me to hold her so i did. people were like looking at me because they thought that she was mine.Lost uncle Jay and went looking for him.fed annie and jamie.ashley got a fake tatoo and i want my lip peirced and my uncle was like no. then we went to some rides but didn't go on.then we walked back and people were yelling so i yelled back . got a balloon hat. and then we walked home. then got home and went and hung out with the older yet younger kids. then i went home. then called noel on the way home and called noel again.
Today - sitting ho0me because i woke up at like 2 .
is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
Wednesday, August 24th, 2005
10:29 pm
yeah so me and noel have been really funny lately.we've been up talking on the phone for like 2052654 hours.its really cool. so yeah i got my scedual today and i got class' that i didn't want so yeah whatever.blahness. yeah thats really all i have been up to ♥
†. DAGGER DAGGER DAGGER DAGGER. NIGGA

current mood: crazy
is addicted to the drug of lust <3.
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